The Absentee Father

Dear Absentee Father,

I’m not saying you can’t see your child and I would never keep him from you. I would never deny you that right because my father was never around for me and I’ve always yearned for that kind of love. The kind of love that only a father could give and I wanted to give back the kind of love that only a daughter could give. So why would I ever want to deny our child that kind of love? Deny one of my many reasons for living, their right?! Their right to have a relationship with their father?!! Deny that kind of love? No, I only want to do what’s best for our child. I only want to see our child happy because our baby being happy is what I strive for and it means more than the world to me. It’s what keeps me going and gives me a reason to KEEP going. I just want you to be consistent because children need consistency. Human beings in general need consistency. I just want you to keep your promises. I just want you to be honest and to keep our child safe. But more importantly, I just hope, wish, and pray that you would understand. Understand that I am trying! God only knows I’m trying my hardest to make sure our child never ever wants for anything. I’m trying to make sure our child is fed, bathed, clothed, and has a roof over their head. I’m trying to make sure our child goes to school everyday so that they can one day become successful. So that our child surpasses us both like only he should. I’m trying to show our child the world while simultaneously trying to give our child the world, AND trying to keep him safe from it. I’m working hard at not one but two jobs, trying to survive, and trying to stay above water. I’m just trying to maintain. Don’t you understand? Can you acknowledge that? Yes…yes…Acknowledgement is rare, few, and far between. I’m a damn good mother to our child! At least try to understand why and where I’m coming from because I am indeed coming from a real place. A real place of anger and frustration mixed in with love. Anger because you treat me like a stranger who’s trying to kidnap the child we share together, and hold him in captivity indefinitely. You don’t listen or at least not with the intent to understand. Frustrated because you think I’m coming from a bitter place and love. Well…love because we did lay down together AND we did create a beautiful being. A beautiful being who looks just like the both of us. You see…love was once upon a time for us and let us never forget. However, I have moved on and I know that you have as well which is great. I only want what’s best for our child.

Oh and by the way. Your money is all good yes, for it will help with material things. Yet it will never be the driving force when it comes to raising our child the right way, with morals, values, and all. Money can’t buy all the tools that we need to give him in order to orchestrate his survival mentally in this evil world. Money can only go so far and can only buy so much when it comes to our mental, our physical, and our emotional well being. I just want you to be…no I NEED you to be present.  Consistently present.

Sincerely,

Every mother out there who feels misunderstood
Every mother out there who has been labeled “bitter” Every mother out there who is doing her best and for Every mother out there who is tired and stressed.

Peaceful Coparenting is all I’m after love. Peace&Blessings

Social Media

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Technology has come a long way since I was a kid. Wow! What a place to be right? Or is it? A place where you can reach and move the masses by clicks on a keyboard. Social Media houses the best of the best and the worst of the worst. It’s a place where confidence and egos are planted. Watered by the number of likes and the number of followers one has. Likes rule the world. Popularity rules the world. It’s a place where people can network in order to grow their businesses, earn profits, and turn their dreams into realities. A place where people can encourage, uplift, and help others. Sometimes solicited but mostly unsolicited. A place where you can soar. A place where you can keep in contact with old classmates, relatives, long lost relatives, old flames, and old friends. A place where you can turn nothing into something. A place where you can interact with your favorite celebrities. A place where you can express yourself however you see fit. A place where you can purchase different products you might not normally be able to purchase off Social Media. A place where challenges and trends are born. Some being very creative and purposeful. While some are just plain stupid and lack purpose. A place where you can scroll through the funniest memes, being entertained for hours with no breaks in between lol. I love funny memes and I love posting them even more lol. Social Media sounds pretty awesome for the most part. Stay with me here as I take you on a journey to the dark side of Social Media.

While Social Media is pretty damn awesome, let’s be honest. It is also a playground for bullying. It’s easy access for some people to gain the audacity to spew hate, ridicule, and judgement while hiding behind a keyboard, and a screen. A place where some people give unconstructive criticism. A place where some people rarely read. A place where you can view and share some of the most graphic footage. Some of the most heinous acts we probably have ever seen. The kind of footage that exposes people in their true form and the world for what it truly is! It shows us just how inhuman some humans really are. A place where fake bodies are placed on a pedestal and real ones are placed beneath the pedestal. The images depicted on social media are false expectations and false interpretations. Especially for young girls and young boys whose minds are so easily shaped, molded, and influenced. Who are already feeling unsure and insecure about their bodies to begin with. Social Media is a place where your self esteem/confidence can be repaired or broken down much further. A place where weaknesses are exposed and played with like toys. A place where you learn that your favorite celebrities are indeed normal just like you. They’re just normal beings under a huge limelight and a even bigger microscope. Social media is a place where some people are only driven by numbers. The number of likes, views, shares, and the number of followers they have. Can I touch on this subject of numbers and likes for a little bit? Do you mind? According to Social Media, a person who has 40 followers is less valuable, less important, worth nothing, and pretty much a nobody. But a person who has 1,000 or more followers are more valuable, more important, and they’re somebody. Simply because their numbers are a lot higher. But what if the person with 40 followers, are in fact in real time, in reality, in the real world, are much more valuable than you think? What if the person with 40 followers is somebody that just doesn’t care about numbers or popularity. Maybe they just don’t want to let random people in just for the sake of numbers?! Just to be liked? What if the person with 1000 followers or more aren’t who they really appear to be online versus offline? It really does boil down to numbers huh? Let me get this straight, Social Media if you allow it to, can make or break you? If you allow it to and if you feed into all the social media network BS, that is. Food for Thought.

The million dollar questions are, Why did you create your Social Media Account? Did you do it for yourself or did you do it for them? Are you doing anything on Social Media to change the negative impact and negative connotations it carries? Are you adding to it? I sure as hell am not! If people are watching me, I want people to watch me and know that, they are never alone. I want people to look at me and say, “She did it” “She went for her goals” She never gave up” “I can do it too” “We are in this together” “Anything is possible” “Laughter is the best medicine”. I was scared to create a blog because I feared that people would not support it or wouldn’t like it. You see how easy it is to get caught up in likes and the need for validation. I just want to write because I enjoy writing. I enjoy expressing my thoughts. If I can encourage, impact, and inspire in the process, that would be a huge added bonus for me! Maybe I will connect with people who share my same thoughts or people who can relate to me. I welcome whatever this brings with open arms. I am in no way saying I don’t appreciate the likes nor am I saying that I don’t like the “likes”. If you like what I do, GREAT!  If you don’t, that’s ok also. I’m just not driven by ‘likes”. This blog is therapy for me. Writing is therapy for me as it allows me to express myself, open up, and share what goes on in my mind. So don’t get so caught up in the likes, so much so that it keeps you from being you, and doing what you really want to do. What you really love to do. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than because you are more than, and more than. You are more than the number of followers and likes that you receive. Don’t let Social Media define you. Be Well! 🙂

I welcome feedback, comments of any, and all kinds. Let’s open up the lines of communication.

Sex

‼️WARNING ADULT CONTENT AHEAD‼️

Do you ever just want to be deeply penetrated by someone or penetrate someone deeply? It feels so good and there is no other feeling quite like it in this world. Nothing compares to great juicy mind blowing sex with a partner who matches your nasty. Who matches your dirty. Your partner touches you just right, moving their hands, mouth, and tongue all over you in the right places. Your partner knows just how to make love to not only your body, but your soul. Your partner kisses you like the world is ending. Your partner knows exactly what types of positions to place you in or throw you in if you like it rough. Rough is preferable for me. Your partner knows all your gspots and especially the ones that will make your eyes water. Your partner moves your soul, stirs it up, and spits it out. Literally and Figuratively. Then again, maybe your partner is a swallower which would be a major bonus. Your partner can make you moan in such a way that will awaken the deepest sleeper. Your partner can invoke things. Things you didn’t even know you had in you. Your toes curl, you shiver, your eyes roll back up into your head, your body jerks uncontrollably, you experience multiple orgasms, and you cry. You don’t cry because you’re sad or upset though. It’s your body’s way of responding to great pleasure. Your partner sucks, fucks, and licks the soul right out of you yes! Your partner is a soul snatcher. You know there’s always that one person, who you’re super comfortable with who you can be yourself with, and they know you. They know all the ins and outs of your body. They know exactly what you like and how you like it. They know what your body craves, what it needs, and they give it to you gooooddd!!!! They instigate a weakness in you that usually lays dormant, that only they can bring out of you. SEX is great and I want to have it all the time.  Don’t you? You should be having orgasms daily. At least once a day because it’s good for you. If you don’t have a partner, please yourself. There’s a plethora of sex toys out there that will satisfy your needs in unimaginable ways.  There’s nothing wrong with masturbation. There’s no harm and no shame. Hey, it’s safe lol.

BE WELL!!
Have Safe Sex!!

Women

Women are beautiful beings.

Women are wonderfully made.

Women are strong beings.

Women are brave beings.

Women are smart beings.

Women are sensual beings.

Women are lovers and nurturers.

But why can’t some of us get along?

Why can’t we work together?

Why can’t we support and lift each other up?

Why can’t we compliment each other?

Why?

We can’t because some of us are damaged.
We can’t because some of us have been abused.
We can’t because some of us can’t shake that jealousy bone.
We can’t because some some of us are insecure.
We can’t because some of us are miserable and want company.
We can’t because some of us don’t love who we see in the mirror.
We can’t because some of us can’t see the beauty in ourselves.
We can’t because  some us refuse to admit that we are in fact problematic.
We can’t because some of us have not yet come to realize our worth.
We can’t because some of us don’t understand or see our value.
We can’t because some of us are being treated poorly on a regular basis. We can’t because we think if we shine a light on her, it’ll dim our own light.

 

We can fix it though. But, we cannot fix how we interact with one another until we fix ourselves first. We have to take accountability, and responsibility. We will never get to a place of togetherness, if we cannot admit there is a problem to begin with. In order to fix it, we have to head straight over to the mirror.

Go to the mirror and look at her.
Tell her she is beautiful!
Tell her how much you love her with all her flaws and all.
Tell her that she deserves the best!
Tell her that you’re proud of her!
Tell her to never settle! Tell her it’s ok to compliment other women.

Tell her to keep going and to never give up!
Tell her that being cheated on, being abused is not the norm, and that it is unacceptable!
Work on HER, for we ALL are works in progress! Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to heal.

Ladies we can move mountains together! Let us all do better!

Be Well! 🙂

Anxiety/Panic Attacks

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

LIVING LIFE WITH ANXIETY\PANIC ATTACKS

I think back to my much younger days and I don’t know if it was the time I was riding in the car with my godmother, and bullets started flying randomly left and right outside. I don’t know if it was the time I was so innocently riding my bike up to the corner store, when shots were fired outside all of a sudden. I was just a carefree little girl growing up in the city, playing, and I didn’t know nor did I understand what was happening at the time. I don’t know if it was the time I fell down in the alley and got about twenty pieces of glass stuck in both my hands which was excruciating. Even more excruciating, when my mother had to pick out all the tiny pieces of glass one by one with tweezers. I don’t know if it was the time I fell off the slide at the playground, my mother rushing to catch me right before I hit the concrete. I don’t know if it was the time I bust my chin wide open and having to get, what felt like to me at the time, a thousand stitches while a group of people had to hold me down in a cold hospital room. I don’t know if it was the time I was being followed in the store by a creepy man. He followed me everywhere I went until he saw that I wasn’t actually alone. I don’t know if it was the time I rode in a car with friends with a broken car door, riding through the city streets in the wee hours of the morning, in dangerous places. At the time, my mother didn’t even know where I was. I don’t know if it was the time these girls chased me all the way home in order to fight me, banging on my door relentlessly while I hid in the closet feeling frightened, and alone. I don’t know if it was the time our family car windows were busted out by unknown individual(s). I don’t know if it was the time I found out my father died, thirty days after he actually died. I don’t know if it was the time when my then two year old son, spent 6 days in the ICU near death. I don’t know if it was the time I found out my best friend died, or was it when I found out my mother was sick? I just don’t know where my anxiety/panic attacks began and I can’t see an end anywhere in sight. Is there a light at the end of this dark tunnel? Well, I can’t see it yet. I’m trapped and I don’t know exactly what triggers it. It comes and it goes like a thief in the night. I smile and hide it because I don’t want to be labeled “crazy”. It’s such a horrible feeling. I can be sitting there laughing, watching tv, at work wherever, or whatever, and it’ll just come over me. It happens mostly when I’m in the car or out in public places. However, I can say it has gotten a whole lot better than it used to be. Though it still resides within me. I still don’t have complete control over it. But I can control it much better now. Now that I know what I’m dealing with. Do you know what it’s like? Do you know how it feels? Do you?

It feels like I’m trapped! Trapped in a very small and very hot cell, in seclusion. I get so hot that I want to undress, my heart starts racing, and I feel like I’m going to faint. I feel like I’m going to die. Then it’s over and everything returns back to normal. Only it was always normal. But am I normal? Society says I’m not. Nobody understands. Nobody listens. They want to medicate me and just sweep it under the rug. I say that I am normal. I know that I’m normal. Well, I’m as normal as I can be. However, I have traumas that are deeply rooted which I am now forced to deal with. My body is speaking to me, has been speaking to me and I have to listen now. I can no longer put off dealing with my problems, traumas, or my feelings, and Guess what? I am dealing with it. I am surrounding myself with positive vibes only, doing things that I love, things that make me happy, and spending time with the people I love. I’ve picked up some hobbies. But more importantly, I know what needs to be done. I am talking more, and releasing what troubles me, little by little. I am strong. I am brave. I am not ashamed! I can do this! Above ALL else, I’m God’s child, and this battle was given to me for a reason. This too shall pass. I can handle it and I’m going to win. I will not give up on trying to rid my mind completely of this anxiety warfare. In the meantime, I will keep on living, loving, encouraging, staying positive, and I’ll just keep on being me, no matter what others think. I will feed my mind good things only and speak my mental healing into existence. 

If you take anything away from this, I hope that you understand me better, and I pray you know that, you are not alone, you are not crazy, AND you will get through it. Be WELL!!!!

Thanks for taking the time to read my first blog. 🙂
More to come!!

Linnea Blogs Her Way

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My name is Linnea, and thanks for coming to my Blog. Writing is one of the loves of my life. I’m a creative writer, truth teller, story teller, and I allow my soul to move me. I speak my mind and there is no sugarcoating. Come take this journey with me, as I will be writing from my soul, and writing for yours. I will cover everything and no topic is off limits. I hope that I can provoke feelings and thoughts in you. I hope I can open the door to more dialogue, inspire you, and impact you in some way. Let’s begin shall we….