Linnea’s Purpose

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I used to always wonder what my purpose was in this life that I was gifted with. I could never really figure out what my calling was and I always found myself asking God, quite frequently to show me something. I just wanted something more, something big. I felt useless and unfulfilled which transitioned into depression. Now, I’ve dibbled and dabbled in many things like tap dance, dance in general, singing/songwriting, instruments, YouTube videos, and cooking. These are all great things and I like them. I do love music, even went as far as going into the studio. But, it’s not something I ever felt fully passionate about pursuing professionally. Even with doing all of these things, I still felt a void, and I still felt like it wasn’t my calling. It wasn’t my purpose. It didn’t move me nor did it move my soul.

When I was in Middle School and High School, I used to keep a journal. I wrote about my days, my experiences, things I was going through, and I wrote poetry. Oh and I wrote songs. Middle School was rough for me so writing helped me to get through it. When I got to High School, I started writing more and more. I wrote more songs, more poetry, and I wrote my very first story. The story was actually for a class and I received an A on it. It was about a girl who was possessed after staring into the snow and the story got weirder. Don’t know where the hell that story came from lol. My teacher loved it. I knew I was different lol. My teacher at the time, whose name I can’t remember for the life of me. He was an older gentleman with long gray Fabio type hair lol which he always wore in a ponytail, and he wore glasses. You know, he could’ve been kin to Sean Connery. Anyways, he told me to keep writing and to never stop. Of course I didn’t take him seriously at the time because I was young and dumb. I went on to graduate, went to college for a little bit to pursue a degree in forensics, and I stopped writing. I stopped writing. I had children and my writing got lost in my new life. My life revolved and still revolves around my family. Anything and everything I ever wanted to do was swept under the rug.

At the beginning of  2018,  I started writing again. I started to notice the feeling I got whenever I was writing. I felt joy, passion, and happiness. I felt really good! I enjoyed writing and I enjoyed reading. It eased my anxiety too which was a bonus for me! I had never shared any of my work with anyone except for my teacher. I was always private when it came to things like that. I was holding so much inside which was part of my problem and part of my struggles. Writing was my way of expression. Writing was my passion. It fulfilled me. Writing is my passion. Helping others is also my passion. So in September 2018, I finally decided to follow my dreams because life is so short. I launched my Blog in hopes of impacting and inspiring others through my words, my creativity, sharing my truth, and my experiences. I was nervous about my very first Blog Post because it was raw and very real. I was finally unleashing my weaknesses and struggles out into the world. For all to see and for some to judge. Weaknesses that have kept me dormant all these years. Though I knew I wanted to and I couldn’t risk caring about what people thought. I couldn’t allow it to stop me. I needed to build this blog on the shoulders of my transparency. I’m so happy that I did. So many people tell me everyday that I’m inspiring them, impacting them in some way, how they are now following their dreams, or starting their own blogs because of me. No I’m not a celebrity or even close to it. No I didn’t decide to do this just to please anyone other than myself. I did it because I wanted to. Yet, I’m still making an impact and trying to live a meaningful life in the process. That’s all I want to do. Do you know how great of feeling it is for people to look at you and go, “I got this”, “I can do this because she’s doing this”, “You’ve inspired me” because it is truly amazing!!! However, I’m not stopping there. I decided to start writing a book, an Erotic Thriller Novel, and I launched my Podcast recently because I need to go bigger. I thought writing brought me joy. Omg!!! This Podcast is definitely my calling as well!!!! I have so many ideas and places I want to take this new platform. I can reach even more people. I asked God to show me and he showed out. I have lots of work to do.

I wrote all that to write this, YOU HAVE TO PAY  GREAT ATTENTION TO WHAT MOVES YOUR SOUL, TO WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE ENDLESSLY, AND DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!!! Ask yourself why you’re in it. You can absolutely do anything you want to do. You can!! It is never to late to start and it is not impossible. There is room for us all to win, to be great, and to be successful! Always Remember this! Be well!

Thank you for taking time out to read this.

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I STARTED A PODCAST!!

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Hello World!!!

This is Linnea, the woman behind this blog and NOW PODCASTER!! On Saturday 7/27/19, I woke up in the morning and decided to launch my Podcast!! IT’S SO EXCITING!! I’m genuinely happy about it!! I named my PODCAST Linnea Presents: Unpacking The Box. I chose this name because I don’t ever want to put into a box and I will be unpacking many topics! You can listen to it on Apple Podcasts, RadioPublic, Anchor, Spotify, Google Podcasts and PocketCasts right now! It will be available on more platforms soon I hope! I’ve already done six episodes and they’re available now! You can also keep up with updates and episodes on my Podcast by following my Instagram page @  unpacking_the_box

Now, what is it all about?!! This is me in my most unapologetic form. It will be raw, real, uncut, explicit at times, informative, entertaining, and just fun! It will be a space, a comfortable space of course, and it’ll be like you and I are in the room together chopping it up like old friends. I will unpack topics on life, love, sex, relationships, men, women, empowering others, mental health, body image, politics, celebrity news, local news, a breakdown on some my BLOG POSTS and sooo much more!!!! NOTHING IS OFF LIMITS! I guess…it’s a extension of my Blog…BUT wayyy more fun lol!!!  I will also have guests on from time to time to weigh in on topics, and interviews! I hope you will take this journey with me!!! I WELCOME ANY AND ALL FEEDBACK!! YOU CAN MESSAGE ME HERE, ON IG OR EMAIL ME at unpackingtheboxpodcast@gmail.com to tell me about ANY TOPICS YOU WANT ME TO DISCUSS, or ANY QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE FOR ME, OR IF YOU JUST WANNA COMMENT ON THE SHOW IN GENERAL. Thank you if you support me in any way, shape or form! I appreciate it!! Share, and Tell a friend!

Always know that you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to do. Do what makes you happy and just go for it!! Life is too short!

Be well!!!!

Breakup

To Whom It May Concern,

I can no longer be your crutch…

I took you down countless deadend alleys. I sought out your weaknesses and instigated them further. I took your smile away and tried to bury it. I made sure you were always in bad company because I knew you’d feed into it somehow, as usual. I’ve thrown you into the thunder and the lightning. I really tried to break you and I really wanted to destroy you. You see…I represent a dark place. A dark place that you kept on revisiting. You’ve kept me alive all these years, simply by visiting me, and supplying me with a well lit space in your thoughts. However, it is time for you to let me go. While I’ve enjoyed your company, my work here is done. The trail of obstacles I set before you, in an attempt to keep you stuck, couldn’t even go up against your unstoppable strength, your will, and your determination to change. Things you probably never even knew existed within you. Hell, things I never even knew existed within you. I killed your soul countless times. But each time, it was exhumed and resurrected. Your light blinded my darkness. I can’t even define you. I admit that I definitely underestimated you and I failed. What a great thing for your sake because I don’t fit into anymore of your chapters. I’ve given you all the tools you’ll ever need to live in the present. I lured your power and your purpose out onto the surface which means I can no longer be a part of your life. I won’t mix in well with your purpose nor your power. Now, you must only move forward and use me as a stepping stool into your greatness. Don’t look back.

 

Best Regards,

Your Past

 

 

 

Linnea’s Crown Affirmations

 

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THIS IS FOR ALL MY QUEENS!!

Repeat Daily…

 

  • I am a unique beauty.
  • I am an exquisite imperfect gem.
  • I am more than enough.
  • I am filled with mountains of strength.
  • My power is boundless. 
  • I can do whatever it is that I want to do, no matter how many people tell me no.
  • Fear will not survive, if it ever tries to break into my life.
  • Doubt is now a resident of my ancient memories.
  • I am built to surpass every storm of struggle.
  •  I’m going to get better because I know I deserve better.
  • I can build my own empire and create my own wealth.
  • When negativity trys to creep in through my door, I will shut it immediately.
  • I’m going to be okay.
  • It is my duty to believe in myself and to love myself even if no one else does.
  • If it’s a small dream or a big dream, it is still my dream. I will follow it until the end.
  • I will stay focused on my path and go to war with any obstacles that meets my eyes.
  • I see my potential and I will run to the stars with it.
  • I will never allow my past to define my evolution.
  • I will start forgiving myself and stop punishing myself for all the mistakes I was meant to make.
  • I will practice self care more and take better care of myself.
  • Quitting can never exist in my mind nor my vocabulary.
  • I will remove any and all things that creates toxins for me.
  • I am always fully responsible for my own happiness no matter what.
  • I sit on a solid throne. A throne that I’ve earned and built using concrete made of my own sweat and tears. A throne that I’ve taken my precious time building and I will not grant anyone’s access to tear me down from it. 
  • I am a Queen.

 

Can You Find Me?

I exude a power so grand. A power so great. A power so strong that it will move you and the masses into your worthiness. It will erupt your soul into fire. I can shield you with a magnifying light of value. It will shine so bright into the eyes of those who don’t believe. Your presence will be a beauty to behold and light up any room. I’ve been known to ruffle the envious feathers of those who don’t know me yet. I’ve also been known to cause an explosive, life changing domino effect. Not only can I help  you find those tiny puzzle pieces that you lost. I can put them back together in perspective. I will give you inevitable strength of infinity and beyond. But you have to find me which can be tricky for you. I’m waiting for you to find me…

Isolate yourself, Sit, DIG deep, and pull back the troubled layers. 

There you will find me. 

Be Well!

Linnea’s Truth Serum

You call me your friend..

Yet you play with my weaknesses like they’re toys. You spew words of hate about me to others behind my back, attempting to cut down my soul. You intended to release my box of secrets after being sworn to secrecy. I can smell your bad energy before you enter any room. Your toxins are smothering me within our damaged circle. Your loyalty is invisible. The trust I once had for you is now extinct. You pretend to be happy for me, when I can clearly see the look of disgust in your eyes. Yes…the eyes tell it all. You can’t hide it no matter how hard you try. I can see right through you. I don’t understand. Please stop calling me your friend. You aren’t genuine and you know it. Deep down inside you hate me simply because I represent your deeply rooted, unaddressed misery. Your misery yearns for my company. But, I continuously decline and now I’m acting funny. That’s what you call it. I’m not acting funny. I just know I deserve better and I don’t do toxic. So just let me go in peace.

 

DrOwN

I wrote this piece at the beginning of my anxiety/panic attacks diagnosis. I decided to share it on my blog. There are many people out there who suffer with this and there are many people out there who still don’t quite understand it. This was the best way I knew how to describe what my experience was like during my episodes, in my own creative way and what I still go through at times. It’s imperative that I share it because you need to know that my life is not always peachy and this is one of my struggles. A struggle that has shaped me into the woman I am today. A struggle that has birthed the mindset I have today. Step into my world temporarily and let me strip down naked… 

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I was laying out on the beach styling in my fuchsia soaked two piece, listening to the sounds of the ocean, and soaking up serenity. The sky was so beautiful and the wind was so calm. The sun was shining so bright, sunkissing every inch of my body. I think it was in the low 80s that day. All I know is, I was in my element and it wasn’t that crowded at all which was perfect because I’ve never been a fan of large crowds. Funny how things can change in a matter of minutes or seconds even. I grew tired of laying down and wanted to go into the water a little. I walked towards the water where the waves were steady but not too strong, and it felt good. I was truly in my happiest place. After a while, I could see the waves coming and they were crashing into me. Though I never was one to go out too deep anyway. The waves slowly but surely started creeping up, getting more, and more aggressive. So of course I turned back around, hoping to get back over to my spot on the sand. I mean…I love a good wave crash, usually. But before I knew it, the tide engulfed me and carried me deep into the ocean. I was fighting to find my way back up to the surface and I did at one point. Actually at several points. But each time, I was dragged back down underneath of the water. Just when I thought I had escaped, the water would overcome me again. I was in a serious battle with this damn ocean and I was losing. I was holding my breath, attempting to swim, kicking, and just putting those good ole swimming lessons I picked up at a swim club to use, and trying to get to some air. I just needed some air. I was holding my breath in so hard, it felt like my head was going to explode. My arms and legs were cramping up on me. I was in distress and I had lost all control. I had absolutely no control over what was happening to me and I couldn’t get my rhythm back. You can be the best swimmer, REALLY! However, once you’ve entered a panic mode or lost total control, it won’t matter much. My body was feeling extremely weak, very numb and I didn’t have much fight left in me. Why was this happening to me? I was just enjoying myself a moment ago. Why me? I knew I didn’t deserve this. Then, everything became so still and quiet. I opened my eyes, my body was going limp, sinking deeper, and deeper into the bottom of the ocean. I was preparing to succumb but someone or something whispered to me, “It’s over now.”

I don’t know how. But, I ended up back in my spot on the sand where I was initially. I felt completely fine. Unscathed is a better word to describe it I guess.

 

ANXIETY AND PANIC ATTACKS ARE REAL! Don’t ever be afraid to seek help! 

Be well!