I asked a group of men and women the same exact questions, in order to gain different perspectives and understanding on Relationships and Sex. Here are the questions I asked and here’s what the Kings had to say…
Jamell Crouthers-Author, Poet, Podcaster
1. What’s your recipe for a healthy and successful relationship?
I would say trust, honesty, communication, being self-aware of yourself and who you are, having a sense of yourself and not depending on your partner for happiness.
2. Why do you think men in general have a hard time communicating their feelings?
You have to take the time to look at how society is structured and the messages being told to us. Being strong, don’t emote, hold it together, be a leader. It’s hard to emote when from a young age, you can’t even do it.
I’ll give you a basic scenario of a young boy who falls and hurts himself and he cries, how many times have you heard, toughen up, you’ll be fine. We don’t let young boys emote so that becomes instilled in their minds that they can’t be open, vulnerable and sensitive. It’s looked at as being soft.
Then a child grows into a man and they’re listening to the world and how women want a tough, strong man and we take that as we can’t be too emotive and sensitive so there are a lot of factors that play into it, those are just some examples.
That’s why I address that in the books I write because the messages being conveyed to us are all wrong.
3. Some people still believe in love at first sight and even marriage at first sight. Do you think the length of time you’ve known/met a person is a huge deciding factor in regards to making a commitment to them? Does it really matter? And why or why not?
Yes and no. I’ve known people who were together 7-8 years before getting married and it works and some who have known each other a few months and get married and it works. It’s all in how the relationship starts. As my mother has instilled in me, “how a relationship begins, is how it will continue.”
It’s all situational honestly, it’s all in communication and showing who you really are and not a representation of who you want the person to think you are or perceives you to be.
4. Sex seems to play a major role in relationships. Should it play a major role and How important is the frequency of sex during the course of a relationship?
It should play a role but you have to be careful in how you word it. If sex is all you have a relationship, then there’s no substance and it will eventually end. There has to be shared interests, different interests, learning and growing with each other and having mentally stimulating conversations about life, goals, fears and a plethora of others things that you both may find important.
5. Some couples have been together for a very long time and they’ve had sex probably hundreds of times. How can a couple keep it spicy in the bedroom?
Definitely having conversations about what you like and don’t like. Listening to each other during sex and seeing what stimulates them and working off of that. A perfect example, if you’re both into role play, then you’re doing those things to keep it fun and interesting. Communicating that will keep things fun and interesting.
Donte V.-Realtor, Investor
1. What’s your recipe for a healthy and successful relationship?
A good relationship requires three things communicating, dating, and understanding how their partner wants to be loved. Communication is important but if you aren’t comprehending the message your partner is trying to communicate or your partner isn’t able to communicate their message, your relationship is destined to fail. Dating is sometimes underrated; especially when you have a career and kids. Dating is the driving force behind two people getting together. There are few people (if any) that entered a relationship without spending time together. Dating helps in maintaining a relationship long term. People in general require different things to happy. Take time to figure out what makes your partner happy and communicate what makes you happy.
2. Why do you think men in general have a hard time communicating their feelings?
I think people have issues communicating. I think it starts with a person understanding themselves and what they are really feeling. It can be difficult to talk about the core cause of an emotion. For example, a husband may complain to their spouse about how they are upset with them for not cleaning, but the real issue may not be the cleaning. It may be that the husband grew up in a household where his mom was more active in the house and not seeing their spouse clean doesn’t fit what he considers to be a good relationship.
3. Some people still believe in love at first sight and even marriage at first sight. Do you think the length of time you’ve known/met a person is a huge deciding factor in regards to making a commitment to them? Does it really matter? And why or why not?
I believe the length of time you’ve known/met a person isn’t a huge deciding factor. I briefly met someone years ago and recently had the opportunity to know them better. Within a short period of time (a few months) I wanted to completely commit to that woman. I also had experiences where it took a few years before I wanted to completely commit to a woman. Its hard to deny a real connection. Some connections are immediate and others take time to build.
4. Sex seems to play a major role in relationships. Should it play a major role and How important is the frequency of sex during the course of a relationship?
This depends on the people in the relationship. I have a high sex drive so regular sex is important to me. The transferring of sexual energy with the one you love is one of the most amazing things to me; something I cannot get enough of.
5. Some couples have been together for a very long time and they’ve had sex probably hundreds of times. How can a couple keep it spicy in the bedroom?
A couple will have to find a way to add variety and spontaneity to their sex life. Couples who has a strong sexual chemistry, who are sexually compatible, and open minded sexually should be able to keep things interesting. Its all about understanding what is stimulating to you and your partner.
Kevin Williams-Investor
1. What’s your recipe for a healthy and successful relationship?
A healthy relationship is a balance of spontaneity, trust, and fun. If you have all of these components, then you’ll never look elsewhere to be satisfied.
2. Why do you think men in general have a hard time communicating their feelings?
Men have a hard time communicating their feelings because we are consistently viewed as protectors and are always taught to be tough. Many times it’s hard to communicate our feelings because we take on this role and become numb to the realities of life. Showing feelings are almost always associated with weakness which we can’t or are encouraged not to show.
3. Some people still believe in love at first sight and even marriage at first sight. Do you think the length of time you’ve known/met a person is a huge deciding factor in regards to making a commitment to them? Does it really matter? And why or why not?
I personally dont believe in love at first sight, but I do believe the length of time that you’ve known person has a huge factor in making a commitment because you can’t build a bond with an individual that you dont know on a personal level. For instance, in my current relationship my girlfriend wanted a relationship before I did because I had to know for sure that she was who I actually wanted to commit to.
4. Sex seems to play a major role in relationships. Should it play a major role and How important is the frequency of sex during the course of a relationship?
I think it should play a major role in a relationship because if you’re not satisfied with your partner, you tend to look elsewhere. If you’re satisfied, there’s no reason to cheat. Frequency is Important because some people constantly want sex and some dont. In a relationship, it’s important to meet somewhere in the middle so that both people are satisfied.
5. Some couples have been together for a very long time and they’ve had sex probably hundreds of times. How can a couple keep it spicy in the bedroom?
Couples can keep it spicy by being open and spontaneous. If you have a sexual routine, it’s a problem. There should be no beginning middle or end, everything should happen naturally. Me myself, will feel a female out and try to cater to what she like, but will also show her a few things I like. If she’s not feeling it then I move on to something different. It’s all about feeling your partner out.
Kenneth Lonesome-Crew Leader in Environmental Construction
1. What’s your recipe for a healthy and successful relationship?
There’s a lot of recipes to build a healthy and successful relationship, but I think it really starts with the ingredients. You gotta be happy first. Like, as an individual. Then you can have success in relationships. I can really say you need a lot of communication, a lot of sex and a lot of sacrifice and understanding. But all that aint gonna matter if you miserable on the inside. You gotta be happy with yourself first, then you can share each other’s when y’all get together. That will make it easier to talk problems thru, focus on taking care of each other and being vulnerable.
2. Why do you think men in general have a hard time communicating their feelings?
I think men communicate their feelings very well, we just don’t, and/or only show the anger feeling. LOL Girls were shown it was ok to show feelings. Boys weren’t. Girls didn’t get fussed at for crying, boys do. Boys get hurt and get told to brush it off and walk it off. Girls get comforted. I think that upbringing shows girls its ok to be open and ultimately talking about things that are on their mind, good or bad. As to boys, we a shown that our feelings often don’t matter, and we have to brush it off and walk it off. We feel like shit in a lot of cases, and a simple conversation could have helped us. But we know people don’t see men and vulnerability as a good thing. A grown woman could cry in the middle of the mall right now and people would run and help…mostly men probably. LOL But let a man burst into tears in that same spot. The police would be trying to comfort him.
3. Some people still believe in love at first sight and even marriage at first sight. Do you think the length of time you’ve known/met a person is a huge deciding factor in regards to making a commitment to them? Does it really matter? And why or why not?
If we are talking about marriage, time of knowing someone does matter. If we are talking just a relationship, then fuck time. Marriage, you need time. To see if yall will mesh. Because y’all doing this for a lifetime, so its key to do things like spend lots of time together, practice communicating with each other and marriage counseling. Ultimately, no amount of time will prepare you for it all. You wont know a person, really, until they are in those certain situations that will cause them to move a certain way. And that thing may happen 25 fuckin years down the line…ya never know.
4. Sex seems to play a major role in relationships. Should it play a major role and How important is the frequency of sex during the course of a relationship?
Sex is just as big a factor as communication. It needs to be to both parties satisfaction. AND both people need to be open to at least hear and talk about each other’s desires. Whether they down with them or not. Sex is major. Sex will keep you from sexing someone else. LOL
5. Some couples have been together for a very long time and they’ve had sex probably hundreds of times. How can a couple keep it spicy in the bedroom?
Keeping it spicy is a challenge after so many years. I think there’s plenty of things you can do from toys to positions to foods, etc. I think just having a desire for the other will always keep your shit jumping for each other. I’ve seen old ass couple kiss all up on each other. I know they have a level of attraction to each other that has maintained over the years. And that helps I’m sure.
