Dear Young Queens,
You are a QUEEN and you should carry yourself as such. You have a crown and you sit on a throne. A throne that has been kept warm by other Queens who came before you. You should know that you are special. You should know that you’re worth more than gold. You are a rare beauty and you come from long lines of rare beauties. Your soul is unmatched and fluorescent. You are a treasure QUEEN, and you are meant to be treasured. You’re powerful beyond measure. You just need to discover it, and use your power. You don’t need validation from others. You just need to validate yourself. You don’t need his love if he doesn’t want you to have it. You need to find self love, love yourself first, and foremost. There is no greater love. In case you didn’t know all of this already, let this serve as your constant reminder.
L I N N E A
Alone in the dark…
I feel like an outcast. All my life, I’ve always felt like the outcast. Alone with just my thoughts is a dangerous place to be I know. Yet, it’s an intriguing place to be. The darkness conjures up all of my ill feelings. Feelings that I hold against myself daily that I try to keep hidden deep within me. I have a few friends here and there. But you know what, I feel more alone whenever I’m surrounded by people. How can this be? Those people never really seem to notice though. I smile and I laugh. It’s a mask that I wear and I wear it so well. Why am I like this? Sometimes I prefer to be alone because I’ve become so accustomed to the darkness, the loneliness, and the negative thoughts that have kept me company for so long. The worst part is that I believe those thoughts. My mind feeds off of those thoughts. They comfort me and they’re my friends. My best friends, actually. They tell me to be sad, that it’s better for me to be alone, to not have any contact with the outside world, and they keep me far away from anything or anyone trying to rescue me from myself. Twisted right? No…what’s twisted is that I fell into the trap and I’m comfortable there. Will someone save me or will I have to save myself?
Depression is real and it preys upon the weak. It preys upon the weak and the strong. Check on your strong friends and your weak friends. Check on all your friends and loved ones. Check on someone today. In some cases, an immediate intervention is needed. Sometimes a person seems happy, but pay attention to their eyes. The eyes will always lead you to their truth. It is imperative that we all take great care of our mental health and that we seek help when necessary. Seek help when you can’t help yourself. Mental Illness is real and it plays evil tricks with your mind and can end in tragedy. Please seek help!
Not your average wolf…
I’m normally quiet and I like to stay hidden. Though, I’ve been known to bring the noise when they send for me. I eat diamonds for breakfast and spit out gems. I run with wolves, but they always end up following my lead. It’s shocking to some that a pack of wolves would choose me to be their Queen. They can feel my strength, my aura, and I’m very hard to refuse. Depending on how you treat me love, I can be the beginning to your end. I am invincible and sometimes quite unrecognizable. I’m trying to warn you darling for I possess the power to make things, and individuals go invisible. Have you ever heard of Fire and Ice? I refuse to travel without bringing the storm. I’ll bring the forest down, shake the trees, and break the ground. I’m fluent in fire and will burn you if you speak out of turn. HER tongue is wicked. You’ve been warned!
I am Wolf HER!
Every year I pick a different theme for Christmas decorating. I love switching it up and doing different things. Who says you have to have a green tree? Is this a Christmas rule or something? I was never good at following rules. In fact, I was known for going against the grain quite often. This year I decided to put up a Black Christmas tree with silver ornaments, silver garland, and clear lights. I told my mother that I was putting up a Black tree and I wish I could show you all twenty of her facial expressions. It was as if I had committed a heinous Christmas crime LOL!! When I was younger with a less seasoned mentality and a closed mind, I always equated the color Black to only darkness, death, goth, Halloween, and somber feelings. Fast forward to today, and now that I have a more seasoned mentality and a wide opened mind, I view the color Black very differently. Black is beautiful, sexy, powerful, and chic! By definition though…
Wow! That’s very interesting. Black is multifaceted. Personally, I love the color Black and I wear it daily, boldly, and proudly. We also added a African American decorative tree topper and various African American decorations all around our home. We celebrate Black over here in every way for it is a gorgeous sight to see. Changing the narrative in any way we can. Dare to be different! Maybe next year I’ll do purple, gold, red, or orange. I can already see my mother giving me the side eye lol. Black is beautiful.
Here is a small look at our Christmas Tree!!
Death landed on our doorstep yet again. But this time, it came for my beloved Aunt Cookie. My Aunt and I had a very special bond that could never be broken. No not even in death. She was my second mother and she called me her “Poopsie”, yes she did LOL. She called me that when I was much younger and would later switch it up. Once I got older, she called me “Nae Nae” “Nea” or Linnea. My love for shopping and watching tv was birthed through her. Oh how she loved her tv shows. Especially the westerns and soap operas. Every time she saw me she would ask me, “Nea did you watch the stories?” Young and the Restless was her absolute favorite lol. I can’t even put into words the pain I felt (the pain I still feel) when I got that AWFUL phone call. The call that all of us dread. She died and I just froze up so bad. I actually had a panic attack, anxiety, and it was an outer body experience. I was in shock, disbelief, and pure sadness. I had just seen her not too long ago at the Nursing Home facility where she stayed. We watched tv, chatted a bit, and then I left. Why didn’t I stay longer?! Little did I know, that would be the very last time I would ever see her in the land of the living. I know it’s cliche but I truly thought my Aunt Cookie would live forever!!!! She was soooo sweet, special, beautiful, and kind to all who she crossed paths with. She was a true gift from God and the rarest of souls. A soul that I’ll always cherish in my fondest memories of her. It will be different and VERY difficult without her. It hurts, the pain feels unbearable in all honesty and I can’t understand it. However, I will never question GOD. I LOVE you soooo much Aunt Cookie FOREVER and ALWAYS! I promise to make you proud and I promise to leave my mark on this world while I’m here. You will live through me and I’ll see you again one day.
We laid her to rest today and now let the healing begin…
I was eating in the lunch room with my best friend Larryn at College, just chopping it up, and I was just about to finish up. This was our everyday routine. I looked at the time because I had a Math class that I needed to get to soon which I wasn’t really looking forward to at all lol. In fact, I dreaded going. As soon as I started getting ready to get up from the table, I glanced over at the tv, and couldn’t really make sense of what I was seeing initially. I heard all these people in back of me yelling in synch, “Oh my God”, and more people started piling up in the lunch room. We were all standing around the tv witnessing horror. An unfathomable horror. What we were witnessing was a terrorist attack, planes flew into the Twin Towers, and the Pentagon like it was nothing. We were all stuck, eyes glued to the tv. I guess we were all in somewhat of a state of shock and still trying to process what was happening. Then, everyone started looking for their cellphones including myself. I needed to call my family to make sure they were accounted for and ok. I needed to figure out how I was gonna get home. I called my mother and just about everyone in my family. But my uncle. My uncle was supposed to have a meeting that morning at the Twin Towers. He owned a cleaning business and he was set to sign the contract for his team to start cleaning some offices at the Twin Towers. I used to say “for some reason” he didn’t make it there. I quickly realized it was God and I know that statement could lead others to confusion as to why their loved ones were there. Why did their loved ones have to die? Why didn’t God intervene? I can’t begin to answer such a heavy question. My uncle is no longer with us due to other reasons. Though he could’ve left us that day. So after I called everyone I needed to call, I wanted to get home as soon as possible. I was afraid and at that time, I didn’t know what was coming next. We all were panicking and afraid of the unknown. Larryn said, “Linnea Come on we are leaving now.” Without thinking I grabbed all of my things and we rushed out the door. There were so many people outside running to their cars and the parking lot was beyond jammed packed. It took us about 45 minutes to get out of the parking lot. Once we got onto the main road, it looked like a scene out of one of those Zombie movies where everyone is trying to leave before the Zombies attack. It was wild and it was like an out of body experience. I had never seen anything like that before. I got home 3 hours later and that ride home was intense. We almost crashed a couple times and it was bumper to bumper. I called my mother two more times while I was in the car because she was and is still the only person in this world who can calm my soul. Larryn was a superb driver and held her composure THEE entire time. I loved how strong she was and I miss her so much! Larryn is no longer with us due to other reasons as well. This day I will never forget.
The aftermath was a continuous and painful reminder of all the bloodshed. I watched all the news coverage and documentaries. I heard the 911 calls that came in on that tragic day. People jumping out of windows, people covered in so much debris, they were unrecognizable. First Responders, Firefighters, and sooooo many people died. Families were broken and the damage was catastrophic. It still makes no sense at all. To say it was sad would be putting it lightly for there are no words. Most of the people that survived that day, later died due to health problems they developed after 9/11. So many people lost their lives that day. I can’t even begin to imagine what it was like for them being inside, dying inside those burning buildings nor could I ever imagine what it was like being on a plane knowing it was going to crash. Knowing death was quickly inevitable for them. I don’t understand and I won’t pretend to. Those people left home, went on about their daily routines like they did everyday. Not knowing what was coming. Life is so short. My thoughts and prayers will always be with all those affected. This day, we remember.