Alone in the dark…
I feel like an outcast. All my life, I’ve always felt like the outcast. Alone with just my thoughts is a dangerous place to be I know. Yet, it’s an intriguing place to be. The darkness conjures up all of my ill feelings. Feelings that I hold against myself daily that I try to keep hidden deep within me. I have a few friends here and there. But you know what, I feel more alone whenever I’m surrounded by people. How can this be? Those people never really seem to notice though. I smile and I laugh. It’s a mask that I wear and I wear it so well. Why am I like this? Sometimes I prefer to be alone because I’ve become so accustomed to the darkness, the loneliness, and the negative thoughts that have kept me company for so long. The worst part is that I believe those thoughts. My mind feeds off of those thoughts. They comfort me and they’re my friends. My best friends, actually. They tell me to be sad, that it’s better for me to be alone, to not have any contact with the outside world, and they keep me far away from anything or anyone trying to rescue me from myself. Twisted right? No…what’s twisted is that I fell into the trap and I’m comfortable there. Will someone save me or will I have to save myself?
Depression is real and it preys upon the weak. It preys upon the weak and the strong. Check on your strong friends and your weak friends. Check on all your friends and loved ones. Check on someone today. In some cases, an immediate intervention is needed. Sometimes a person seems happy, but pay attention to their eyes. The eyes will always lead you to their truth. It is imperative that we all take great care of our mental health and that we seek help when necessary. Seek help when you can’t help yourself. Mental Illness is real and it plays evil tricks with your mind and can end in tragedy. Please seek help!
Jamell Crouthers is a very talented poet, author, and podcaster. He’s the author of 11 books and counting. Jamell has a passion for writing about topics that nobody likes to speak on. Topics that are taboo, and topics that will provoke thoughts. He delves into societal issues in such a way, that I’ve never seen before. I met him through social media, and I’m a fan of his work. He’s one of the people who’ve inspired me to start my own Blog. Recently, Jamell gave me the opportunity to interview him.
As I step even deeper into my thirties, it’s becoming harder, and harder for me to befriend women. Not because I don’t want to befriend them. I love making new friends. But, it’s way more complicated than that. It’s because most of us women are just alike and we tend to bump heads for that reason alone. Most of us have trust issues. Most of us are stubborn. Some of us are mean. Some of us have the jealousy and envy trait. Some of us are extremely toxic by all accounts. Some of us are messy and like to keep drama going. Some of us have an overflow of negativity running within. Some of us have deeply rooted insecurities, that we’ve yet to address which can ruin, and challenge any relationship. But, do you know what boggles my mind, more than anything?! Some women don’t even know how to react to being complimented by another woman. Sometimes they’ll even accuse the woman of being a fraud. I think it’s sad. Sad because it’s so rare that we don’t even know how to process it. We don’t know how to process a freaking compliment!! It just makes me wonder why. Why are we like this? Why can’t we get along? Why do we treat each other like this? Why can’t women get along? I honestly don’t know why. I’ll probably never find out the answers to these questions. However, what I do know is, that I am a woman who chooses to, and will continue to inspire, encourage, uplift, motivate, and empower women. I will also compliment other women. I will be a woman who raises her daughter to do the same. I’ve already started planting the positive seeds in my daughter’s mind. She needs to understand and know that her light will never be dimmed just because she lit someone’s else’s. She will shine even brighter. A woman standing alone possesses GREAT power. But women standing amongst many women possess the GREATEST power. 