Where was I?

9/11

I was eating in the lunch room with my best friend Larryn at College, just chopping it up, and I was just about to finish up. This was our everyday routine. I looked at the time because I had a Math class that I needed to get to soon which I wasn’t really looking forward to at all lol. In fact, I dreaded going. As soon as I started getting ready to get up from the table, I glanced over at the tv, and couldn’t really make sense of what I was seeing initially. I heard all these people in back of me yelling in synch, “Oh my God”, and more people started piling up in the lunch room. We were all standing around the tv witnessing horror. An unfathomable horror. What we were witnessing was a terrorist attack, planes flew into the Twin Towers, and the Pentagon like it was nothing. We were all stuck, eyes glued to the tv. I guess we were all in somewhat of a state of shock and still trying to process what was happening. Then, everyone started looking for their cellphones including myself. I needed to call my family to make sure they were accounted for and ok. I needed to figure out how I was gonna get home. I called my mother and just about everyone in my family. But my uncle. My uncle was supposed to have a meeting that morning at the Twin Towers. He owned a cleaning business and he was set to sign the contract for his team to start cleaning some offices at the Twin Towers. I used to say “for some reason” he didn’t make it there. I quickly realized it was God and I know that statement could lead others to confusion as to why their loved ones were there. Why did their loved ones have to die? Why didn’t God intervene? I can’t begin to answer such a heavy question. My uncle is no longer with us due to other reasons. Though he could’ve left us that day. So after I called everyone I needed to call, I wanted to get home as soon as possible. I was afraid and at that time, I didn’t know what was coming next. We all were panicking and afraid of the unknown. Larryn said, “Linnea Come on we are leaving now.” Without thinking I grabbed all of my things and we rushed out the door. There were so many people outside running to their cars and the parking lot was beyond jammed packed. It took us about 45 minutes to get out of the parking lot. Once we got onto the main road, it looked like a scene out of one of those Zombie movies where everyone is trying to leave before the Zombies attack. It was wild and it was like an out of body experience. I had never seen anything like that before. I got home 3 hours later and that ride home was intense. We almost crashed a couple times and it was bumper to bumper. I called my mother two more times while I was in the car because she was and is still the only person in this world who can calm my soul. Larryn was a superb driver and held her composure THEE entire time. I loved how strong she was and I miss her so much! Larryn is no longer with us due to other reasons as well. This day I will never forget.

The aftermath was a continuous and painful reminder of all the bloodshed. I watched all the news coverage and documentaries. I heard the 911 calls that came in on that tragic day. People jumping out of windows, people covered in so much debris, they were unrecognizable. First Responders, Firefighters, and sooooo many people died. Families were broken and the damage was catastrophic. It still makes no sense at all. To say it was sad would be putting it lightly for there are no words. Most of the people that survived that day, later died due to health problems they developed after 9/11. So many people lost their lives that day. I can’t even begin to imagine what it was like for them being inside, dying inside those burning buildings nor could I ever imagine what it was like being on a plane knowing it was going to crash. Knowing death was quickly inevitable for them. I don’t understand and I won’t pretend to. Those people left home, went on about their daily routines like they did everyday. Not knowing what was coming. Life is so short. My thoughts and prayers will always be with all those affected. This day, we remember.

 

 

Interview with Malinda Williams and Tariq Walker!

 

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Malinda Williams, a compelling and amazingly talented actress/producer who’s played in some of our most beloved shows/films like Soul Food: The Series, A Thin Line Between Love & Hate, and The Wood! Tariq Walker, an award-winning journalist and successful media executive who’s made powerful waves in the digital media world. Together they have launched This Is Leaving, a Travel & Lifestyle Blog Site/Business that allows us to see beautiful scenic views and adventures, intertwined with love through their lenses. Recently, they allowed me to interview them. Here’s what the recently engaged couple had to say:

1. Where are you both from?
Malinda: New Jersey

Tariq: Philadelphia

2. Can we talk about your successful careers for a moment? Malinda, How did you get into acting and Have you always had a passion for it?
Malinda: I started acting when I was around 12. I started in television commercials and then transitioned to film and T.V. in my teens.

Tariq, what made you want to become a journalist and work in digital media? Is it something you’ve always dreamed of doing?

Tariq: I was drawn to journalism because of my love of writing and communicating ideas via the written word. My career in digital media began as a combination of my passion for writing and science fiction, combined with the growth and development of the internet. It seemed a perfect fit.

3. Can you tell us about your Travel and Lifestyle Blog Site/Business, This is Leaving and How it all came about?
This Is Leaving was an idea conceived from our love of travel and wanting to share our adventures and its benefits with our family and friends. We realized the impact on them, we decided we wanted to share that with a larger audience. We’ve since expanded it to include content production and our first e-commerce platform, Shopshesgotahabit.com

4. What place have you had your most memorable experience thus far and Why?

Our most memorable experience was probably the trip we took to Barcelona.

Malinda: For me, it was a way to connect with Tariq. He spoke the language fluently and I didn’t so I really had to rely on him for communication and getting around. I felt I was vulnerable and that helped build a trust between us.

Tariq: For me, It was our first trip to Europe together and she trusted me enough to let me to do all the planning which was meaningful. It showed she trusted in my abilities and that it laid an important foundation for our relationship.

5. What’s the most delicious food you’ve eaten thus far? Where and What was it? Tuscany and Monterosso, Italy. In Tuscany, we were blessed to have a private cooking lesson with the executive chef. We helped him prepare a tasty red shrimp risotto and strawberry tiramisu – ridiculously delicious!!!

6. Why is traveling so important? What are some benefits of traveling?

We get to have all of these great experiences…we learn about ourselves, about the world and about each other and we get to bring all the best parts of those learned experiences home.

7. What advice would you give to someone out there, who might be hesitant when it comes to traveling to new, and very different places?
We always say let love drive you, not fear, hesitation, doubt or the unknown. You’d be surprised how the world opens up to you, when you open up to it. There’s so much out there waiting for you to discover it. It’s amazing!

8. Any new projects coming up that you’re working on and can tell us about?
We just launched the first of 2 planned e-commerce platforms. She’s Got A Habit is a wellness, lifestyle and retail site all inspired by world travel. Shopshesgotahabit.com

Be sure to check out their site! https://www.thisisleaving.com/

 

Thank you both so much for taking time out!

Linnea’s Purpose

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I used to always wonder what my purpose was in this life that I was gifted with. I could never really figure out what my calling was and I always found myself asking God, quite frequently to show me something. I just wanted something more, something big. I felt useless and unfulfilled which transitioned into depression. Now, I’ve dibbled and dabbled in many things like tap dance, dance in general, singing/songwriting, instruments, YouTube videos, and cooking. These are all great things and I like them. I do love music, even went as far as going into the studio. But, it’s not something I ever felt fully passionate about pursuing professionally. Even with doing all of these things, I still felt a void, and I still felt like it wasn’t my calling. It wasn’t my purpose. It didn’t move me nor did it move my soul.

When I was in Middle School and High School, I used to keep a journal. I wrote about my days, my experiences, things I was going through, and I wrote poetry. Oh and I wrote songs. Middle School was rough for me so writing helped me to get through it. When I got to High School, I started writing more and more. I wrote more songs, more poetry, and I wrote my very first story. The story was actually for a class and I received an A on it. It was about a girl who was possessed after staring into the snow and the story got weirder. Don’t know where the hell that story came from lol. My teacher loved it. I knew I was different lol. My teacher at the time, whose name I can’t remember for the life of me. He was an older gentleman with long gray Fabio type hair lol which he always wore in a ponytail, and he wore glasses. You know, he could’ve been kin to Sean Connery. Anyways, he told me to keep writing and to never stop. Of course I didn’t take him seriously at the time because I was young and dumb. I went on to graduate, went to college for a little bit to pursue a degree in forensics, and I stopped writing. I stopped writing. I had children and my writing got lost in my new life. My life revolved and still revolves around my family. Anything and everything I ever wanted to do was swept under the rug.

At the beginning of  2018,  I started writing again. I started to notice the feeling I got whenever I was writing. I felt joy, passion, and happiness. I felt really good! I enjoyed writing and I enjoyed reading. It eased my anxiety too which was a bonus for me! I had never shared any of my work with anyone except for my teacher. I was always private when it came to things like that. I was holding so much inside which was part of my problem and part of my struggles. Writing was my way of expression. Writing was my passion. It fulfilled me. Writing is my passion. Helping others is also my passion. So in September 2018, I finally decided to follow my dreams because life is so short. I launched my Blog in hopes of impacting and inspiring others through my words, my creativity, sharing my truth, and my experiences. I was nervous about my very first Blog Post because it was raw and very real. I was finally unleashing my weaknesses and struggles out into the world. For all to see and for some to judge. Weaknesses that have kept me dormant all these years. Though I knew I wanted to and I couldn’t risk caring about what people thought. I couldn’t allow it to stop me. I needed to build this blog on the shoulders of my transparency. I’m so happy that I did. So many people tell me everyday that I’m inspiring them, impacting them in some way, how they are now following their dreams, or starting their own blogs because of me. No I’m not a celebrity or even close to it. No I didn’t decide to do this just to please anyone other than myself. I did it because I wanted to. Yet, I’m still making an impact and trying to live a meaningful life in the process. That’s all I want to do. Do you know how great of feeling it is for people to look at you and go, “I got this”, “I can do this because she’s doing this”, “You’ve inspired me” because it is truly amazing!!! However, I’m not stopping there. I decided to start writing a book, an Erotic Thriller Novel, and I launched my Podcast recently because I need to go bigger. I thought writing brought me joy. Omg!!! This Podcast is definitely my calling as well!!!! I have so many ideas and places I want to take this new platform. I can reach even more people. I asked God to show me and he showed out. I have lots of work to do.

I wrote all that to write this, YOU HAVE TO PAY  GREAT ATTENTION TO WHAT MOVES YOUR SOUL, TO WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE ENDLESSLY, AND DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!!! Ask yourself why you’re in it. You can absolutely do anything you want to do. You can!! It is never to late to start and it is not impossible. There is room for us all to win, to be great, and to be successful! Always Remember this! Be well!

Thank you for taking time out to read this.

Breakup

To Whom It May Concern,

I can no longer be your crutch…

I took you down countless deadend alleys. I sought out your weaknesses and instigated them further. I took your smile away and tried to bury it. I made sure you were always in bad company because I knew you’d feed into it somehow, as usual. I’ve thrown you into the thunder and the lightning. I really tried to break you and I really wanted to destroy you. You see…I represent a dark place. A dark place that you kept on revisiting. You’ve kept me alive all these years, simply by visiting me, and supplying me with a well lit space in your thoughts. However, it is time for you to let me go. While I’ve enjoyed your company, my work here is done. The trail of obstacles I set before you, in an attempt to keep you stuck, couldn’t even go up against your unstoppable strength, your will, and your determination to change. Things you probably never even knew existed within you. Hell, things I never even knew existed within you. I killed your soul countless times. But each time, it was exhumed and resurrected. Your light blinded my darkness. I can’t even define you. I admit that I definitely underestimated you and I failed. What a great thing for your sake because I don’t fit into anymore of your chapters. I’ve given you all the tools you’ll ever need to live in the present. I lured your power and your purpose out onto the surface which means I can no longer be a part of your life. I won’t mix in well with your purpose nor your power. Now, you must only move forward and use me as a stepping stool into your greatness. Don’t look back.

 

Best Regards,

Your Past

 

 

 

Linnea’s Crown Affirmations

 

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THIS IS FOR ALL MY QUEENS!!

Repeat Daily…

 

  • I am a unique beauty.
  • I am an exquisite imperfect gem.
  • I am more than enough.
  • I am filled with mountains of strength.
  • My power is boundless. 
  • I can do whatever it is that I want to do, no matter how many people tell me no.
  • Fear will not survive, if it ever tries to break into my life.
  • Doubt is now a resident of my ancient memories.
  • I am built to surpass every storm of struggle.
  •  I’m going to get better because I know I deserve better.
  • I can build my own empire and create my own wealth.
  • When negativity trys to creep in through my door, I will shut it immediately.
  • I’m going to be okay.
  • It is my duty to believe in myself and to love myself even if no one else does.
  • If it’s a small dream or a big dream, it is still my dream. I will follow it until the end.
  • I will stay focused on my path and go to war with any obstacles that meets my eyes.
  • I see my potential and I will run to the stars with it.
  • I will never allow my past to define my evolution.
  • I will start forgiving myself and stop punishing myself for all the mistakes I was meant to make.
  • I will practice self care more and take better care of myself.
  • Quitting can never exist in my mind nor my vocabulary.
  • I will remove any and all things that creates toxins for me.
  • I am always fully responsible for my own happiness no matter what.
  • I sit on a solid throne. A throne that I’ve earned and built using concrete made of my own sweat and tears. A throne that I’ve taken my precious time building and I will not grant anyone’s access to tear me down from it. 
  • I am a Queen.

 

Can You Find Me?

I exude a power so grand. A power so great. A power so strong that it will move you and the masses into your worthiness. It will erupt your soul into fire. I can shield you with a magnifying light of value. It will shine so bright into the eyes of those who don’t believe. Your presence will be a beauty to behold and light up any room. I’ve been known to ruffle the envious feathers of those who don’t know me yet. I’ve also been known to cause an explosive, life changing domino effect. Not only can I help  you find those tiny puzzle pieces that you lost. I can put them back together in perspective. I will give you inevitable strength of infinity and beyond. But you have to find me which can be tricky for you. I’m waiting for you to find me…

Isolate yourself, Sit, DIG deep, and pull back the troubled layers. 

There you will find me. 

Be Well!

Book Review/June

I will be doing MONTHLY book reviews just FYI. I love to read!!

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I just finished reading Petals of Truth by Author LaToya Spencer. The words not only spoke to me. They spoke to my heart and my soul. I appreciated her transparency and relatable expressions. It’s filled with encouraging quotes and beautiful poetry that helps you to understand and to know that you are not beyond repair. If you have been through heartbeak, or abuse. If you lack self love, have low self esteem, or if you’ve ever been through struggles. ANYTHING!! This book gives you hope. I found myself talking out loud alot to myself lol reading it because I could deeply relate to what she has been through in life. I really enjoyed it! Check it out and Support this Queen!! You can purchase her book on Amazon and Find her on Instagram @toyaandrea

 

Linnea’s Truth Serum

You call me your friend..

Yet you play with my weaknesses like they’re toys. You spew words of hate about me to others behind my back, attempting to cut down my soul. You intended to release my box of secrets after being sworn to secrecy. I can smell your bad energy before you enter any room. Your toxins are smothering me within our damaged circle. Your loyalty is invisible. The trust I once had for you is now extinct. You pretend to be happy for me, when I can clearly see the look of disgust in your eyes. Yes…the eyes tell it all. You can’t hide it no matter how hard you try. I can see right through you. I don’t understand. Please stop calling me your friend. You aren’t genuine and you know it. Deep down inside you hate me simply because I represent your deeply rooted, unaddressed misery. Your misery yearns for my company. But, I continuously decline and now I’m acting funny. That’s what you call it. I’m not acting funny. I just know I deserve better and I don’t do toxic. So just let me go in peace.

 

Her Mouth

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You keep asking HER what that mouth do…

It’ll make you print out flyers and put out a amber alert

Swallowing you whole in her body of water 

Making your entire body jerk

Drowning while convulsions are hitting you left and right 

Making you moan

She loves to hear you enjoying pleasure

Making you groan

Until you fall on your knees

Begging her yes

Please, you’ll be continuously begging the Queen 

To drain you dry

She can see the explosion in your eyes

And the Queen obliged

That is…if the Queen invites you into her chambers

Linnea

Aftermath

To the Exonerated 5, if ever you get to read this. Please know that you are loved and supported forever! You all have survived what would’ve killed most of us. What you went through was not in vain. Your story is going to help people. Continue flourishing and living. 

 

I heard about Central Park 5 and I read about Central Park 5. It’s one of those awful stories you want to tuck away because it hurts too much. A painful reminder of the injustices we’ve faced and continue to face still to this day. I was 7 when it all unfolded. I watched Ava DuVernay’s 4 part series When They See Us on Netflix this past weekend and though there is another documentary out there. I knew that Ava would give us the rawest and truest version. She did not disappoint as she never does. I couldn’t bring myself to watch it right away because I wasn’t mentally prepared. But are we ever really prepared for such tragedies? So I clicked play and have been emotionally ignited ever since. I feel rage, sadness, disgust, and the tears continue. The more I watched, the more my heart broke. It broke into tiny little pieces for all of them. I wanted to jump right through the screen and help them. Can we talk about the epic portrayals though?!! The performances were more than compelling, filled with a rare conviction, and beyond amazing. Korey’s experience broke me all the way down completely. I have 2 sons and I saw them. I saw them and I lost it. I saw my sons getting continuously screamed at, brutalized, victimized, coerced, beaten, and falsely accused. I saw my sons sitting in those interrogation rooms scared, hungry, thirsty, broken, and drained. They were my sons and I saw red. There is something wicked in the amount of diabolical power that lives in a White Lie. I know what I need to do in this teachable moment. It’s what we all need to do in the Black Community. We need to arm our sons with endless shields of knowledge and awareness. We have to arm our sons in such a way that racist weapons formed against them shall never prosper. We need to arm all of our children and we have to continue to fight. Ava knew exactly what she was doing. I was always woke. Now, I’m wide awake.

 

Linnea