Fix Me

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To be completely honest, I once considered having plastic surgery because I hated my body. After having three children, my stomach wasn’t as flat as it once was. I gained a considerable amount of weight, and I just wanted zero parts of my new body. At the time, I didn’t fully understand nor did I realize just how much my body would change after giving birth to three children. So, I decided that plastic surgery would prove to be the perfect fix. I was thin and fit once upon a time, and I wanted to get back to that. I wanted to get back to that body quick, and scrolling through social media didn’t help. I used to wear cropped tops all the time. My stomach used to be my most favorite part of my body. I was always showing it off and I wanted to be able to do that again. I wanted to wear bikinis on the beach. I just didn’t feel sexy, and I wanted to feel sexy again. I didn’t believe I could be sexy again or wear some of the same things until I fixed my body. My body wasn’t pretty and I hated what I saw in the mirror.

The internet is filled with false expectations, and misinterpretations of a woman’s body form. They lead you to believe that all women should have flat stomaches, small waists, and big butts. They want you to believe that once the baby is born, it’s all about the rapid bounce back or the snap back. It’s misleading and it has never been my reality. The truth is that all of our bodies are different, and respond differently after giving birth. There’s no need to rush, and there is nothing wrong with real natural bodies. Social Media has some of us questioning whether a woman’s natural body is real or not simply because so many women are getting surgery nowadays. It’s hard for some to believe the same body built in the operating room, can also be built in the gym. It can be done and it has been done. I was so close to jumping on that operating table because I was insecure, I fell into the social media trap, and I just felt unattractive. Then I woke up, and I thought about it more and more. I thought about it deeper. I had to ask myself some very imperative questions. Why was I doing this? What are the side effects? Is it going to fix my insecurities? Is it going to make me feel better? Is it going to make me pretty? Is it going to make me more desirable? Is it going to fix me? When I answered these questions, I knew that I couldn’t go through with the surgery. I couldn’t. Yes plastic surgery would’ve fixed my outer appearance, but it wouldn’t fix my struggles within. I had LOTS of struggles buried inside of me, and it would’ve only served as a temporary mask. I am in no way knocking women who’ve gotten or who are thinking about getting plastic surgery. Do whatever makes you happy! But you should know that plastic surgery is not a cure for insecurities, or a lack of self love and self validation. You can sweep your shit under the rug all day, but it’ll still be there under the rug, waiting on you to deal with it. I’m saying if you’re going to do it, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. No I didn’t go through with the surgery, but I did change my eating habits. I did go to the gym. I also started being more kind to myself, more patient with myself, and I started my long journey to self love. It sure wasn’t a quick process nor was it easy. However, it was worth it!!!

 

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Merry Cookies Part 2

 

 

4A76C500-0DA8-4BE7-9714-A5AD23A03EBE.jpegHe was on the floor and his face was red. I kneeled down to check his pulse. His heart was still beating and he was still breathing. Thank God!! But he was definitely out cold. Just as I was stood up, my vision got blurry. I didn’t  know what the hell was happening, but it wasn’t right. Everyone else had already left I guess. I looked around the room to see if I saw Daren, Mike, and Merry Nicole. They were no where near in sight. I tried to get to my purse because my cellphone was in there. I needed to call someone for help. I left it at the table. I could barely see where I was going. Then, I tripped over something. It was something big and I fell on my arm. It was surreal and I felt like I was dreaming. I wished it were a dream because turns out I tripped over Mike. Mike was laid out on the floor just like Jay. His face was as red as Rudolph’s nose. I slowly inched my way closer to him to feel for his vitals. He was still alive. I was afraid at that point. I didn’t understand what was happening. I was confused. At that moment, my arm was hurt badly. Jay and Mike were both unconscious. My vision was fading more and more. I managed to find enough strength to get back up, and I was determined to make it to my phone. It was so hard because I couldn’t see which was weird. Finally, I made it to my purse and picked up my phone. I started dialing out and my phone flew out of my hand, and across the room. I screamed so loud!!! I screamed from the pits of my soul. I was beyond scared now. My vision was completely gone, and I started having a full blown panic attack. My heart was racing, skin was clammy, my breathing became rapid. I felt like I was dying. Then a faint voice whispered to me, “It’s ok” “It’ll be ok.” I’m still panicking. The voice gets louder and says “You’ll be fine”, and I immediately recognized the voice. It was Merry Nicole. I called out to her and begged her to help me. Her response shocked me. She said, “No.” “What is going on Merry Nicole and Where is Daren?”, I yelled!! I felt a hand massaging my hair. “You’re going to be ok. It’ll wear off soon enough. I just needed to see who was worthy.” “What? Merry Nicole What are you talking about?!”, I angrily asked.

“Just listen to me for a moment. I needed to find the one. The virgin. Daren is the one and you can no longer see him. He is invisible now like me, for I was only a figment of your vivid imagination. My name is not Merry Nicole. It’s Nia. You see…my virginity was taken away from me and I was murdered. I’ve been stuck in between worlds ever since. My soul can’t rest. It gets lonely here, and I was tired of being lonely. So, I decided to find a virgin that I could spend eternity with since my virginity was so brutally taken. I used to work in the same building that you all currently work in. In fact, I was murdered there. I allowed myself to be seen. I observed and planned for years. The chocolate chip cookies were drenched in poison and filled with specific ingredients to draw out the virgin. The sugar cookies were filled with a milder poison. Daren proved to be the one. He didn’t survive my cookies, and now I have someone to spend all of my eternity with. My soul can rest now. The poison will soon wear off of you, Jay, and Mike. You will not remember me or anything at all.”

Merry Cookies Part 1

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Every year, Merry Nicole cooks the best batch of chocolate chip cookies for the Annual Holiday office party. This year, I just knew it would be no different. Her cookies were quite popular. She could bake her butt off! Merry Nicole didn’t have much of a personality, she was odd, shy, and her wardrobe was hard to stomach. She was always fully covered head to toe. She wore dark colors, glasses, and flat shoes. Her hair was always in a messy bun. She was pretty though. She had naturally beautiful skin, and beautiful dark brown eyes. Her behavior was awkward at times. I mean…there’s always one or two at each workplace lol. But she more than made up for it with those cookies. So, I’m at the party and the place is getting packed. Not too packed because there’s not many of us at all. The party was always held at a small hall which was perfect for us. Merry Nicole is nowhere to be found which is strange because she always shows up extra early to set up her cookie spread. Two hours passed by, and she still hadn’t arrived. The party started at six. It was now eight, and still no sign of her. I asked around to see if anyone had called her. Daren from our Claims Department tried, but she didn’t answer. I decided to have a few glasses of white wine, and started dancing the night away with my other co workers. Things were getting wild! Sharon from our IT Department was on top of one of the tables, doing a mild striptease number lol. What else was new lol? Mike from our Call Center was having a dance off against Jay from Maintenance. Jay was killing it! The strobe lights were going. GOGO music was playing in the background from a stereo. It was a great time!! Everybody was free and enjoying one another. It was the one time we all could let loose. I was about five glasses in and in comes GUESS WHO? The music stopped playing, and I almost didn’t recognize her. It was Merry Nicole. She had on this little black fitted dress with black heels. Her hair was let down and filled with spiral curls. She had these perky c cups, a firm bottom, a very nice body. She was slim thick. I wanted to form words, but I couldn’t. We all were in a state of shock, and couldn’t believe our eyes. I’ve worked with this woman for eight years, and I never really saw her. That night we all saw her. Not only did she come in looking stunning, she was pulling a cart with 2 medium sized containers of cookies piled on! After we finished gawking at her, we all finally conjured up some words. We all greeted her, and told her how beautiful she looked, and how we couldn’t wait to indulge in her delicious cookies. She wasn’t a woman of many words. Needless to say, she didn’t say much. She pulled her cart up to the table, and began to place the cookies on the table, still in the containers of course. When she was finished, we all bum rushed the cookies. Daren, Jay, and Mike bogarted their way to the front which was rude! I expected nothing less from them! They all grabbed a handful each of cookies. Oh and did I mention these fools are the only men in our office, and they are all equally handsome? Yes indeed! So back to the party. Finally, it was my turn to get some cookies, and I couldn’t contain myself. Only there were no chocolate chip cookies left. She made the same cookies faithfully every single year, and they were all gone. However, there were what looked to be sugar cookies left. I asked her what happened to all the chocolate chip cookies, and she said the men took them all. The men AKA the fools aforementioned. I was annoyed mostly because I was a creature of habit. You know how it is when you have your mouth watered, and set for something? Yes that was me. Anyways, I decided to try the sugar cookies even though I preferred the other ones. In all honesty, they were so delicious. They were VERY delicious, actually. I ate about three…four…ok I ate six!! At this point, I was full and everyone was winding on down. Merry Nicole was across the room talking to Jay, Daren, and Mike. I was heading over to be nosey because she didn’t talk much, and I wanted to hear what she was saying. Then, all of a sudden hot flashes came over me, my stomach was turning, and I just didn’t feel well. I needed to go take a bathroom break. I ran down the hallway, and ran into the bathroom. Thank goodness the bathroom was empty. I rushed into the stall, and threw up, and I felt so much better. I collected myself, splashed water all over my face, washed my hands, and took a deep breath. I made my way back to the party. I turned the corner and I saw Jay on the floor. He was…

 

To be continued tomorrow…..

Black Kings

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Dear Young Black Kings,

You should know that you are a threat to society. A strong threat because they fear your mind and its capabilities. If used properly and to it’s highest potential, it can surpass the likes of MLK, Malcolm X, Matthew Henson, Dr. Charles Drew, and other great Kings who came before you. Use your resources wisely, Young King. You should know that using your resources in conjunction with your mind equals an intelligent cocktail, that will prove to be explosive, and they know this. They know that once you discover your power, you can awaken the masses, and they will move to your beat. They will listen to you and rise up, and hang on to your words of wisdom. You will be unstoppable. Young King, the streets have not a care nor an ounce of love for you. You have a target on your back, so you must move different. You must move smart. I love you! We love you! Your daughters need you and your sons need you. Your Queens need you!

 

With Love,

L I N N E A

Treasure Letter

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Dear Young Queens,   

You are a QUEEN and you should carry yourself as such. You have a crown and you sit on a throne. A throne that has been kept warm by other Queens who came before you. You should know that you are special. You should know that you’re worth more than gold. You are a rare beauty and you come from long lines of rare beauties. Your soul is unmatched and fluorescent. You are a treasure QUEEN, and you are meant to be treasured. You’re powerful beyond measure. You just need to discover it, and use your power. You don’t need validation from others. You just need to validate yourself. You don’t need his love if he doesn’t want you to have it. You need to find self love, love yourself first, and foremost. There is no greater love. In case you didn’t know all of this already, let this serve as your constant reminder.

 

Sincerely,

L I N N E A

 

 

 

 

 

BLIZZARD

6A2D8C57-D03B-4998-A867-AD703CA596A7.jpegNight fell, and I could hear the snow hitting my window. I could hear the wind whistling boldly. I peaked through the blinds, and I could hardly see anything outside. I looked at the time, and it was just a little past eight in the evening. I knew for sure that I was in for the night, now that it was storming. I began undressing all the way down to my birthday suit. Before heading to my bathroom, I paused, and looked in the mirror. I’ve been working out lately, and I loved what I saw. My abs were forming, my breasts were sitting perky, my ass was sitting nicely, and it was plump. My thighs were still thick, but more toned. I went into my bathroom, and turned the shower on. I fixed my water just right before I stepped inside. I like it hot, steamy actually. My water was ready and I hopped right in. Oh my goodness! The water felt so good falling against my melanin soaked skin. I let it marinate down my entire body, including my hair, and my face. My eyes automatically closed due to the severity of the relaxation that I was experiencing. I was calm and all was still. There is a small window in my bathroom, and I could still hear the blizzard coming down outside. So I after I finished allowing the water to just pour onto me, I started lathering up my cloth. I began to wash myself thoroughly. In the midst of me washing, I heard a loud noise, and the electricity went out. I’m still in the shower and the water is still running. It startled me for a second until…

Until I felt a wetness that consumed my entire body. Yes the water was STILL running, but this wetness felt a little different yet very familiar. I began to moan uncontrollably out of no where, my eyes were rolling backwards. I was literally standing in the shower in the pitch black darkness feeling pleasure. But how? I couldn’t see anything, hear anything, or anyone. I couldn’t speak. I could only moan and feel. The feeling was getting stronger, and stronger to the point where I was about to fall backwards. It was odd because I had lost control of my body, and honestly it felt so good. My body fell backwards but I didn’t feel it. What I did feel was a wet tongue crawling up my stomach, landing on my left nipple, and massaging it sensually. Then it traveled on over to my right nipple, to repeat this action. Ultimately, it landed right inside my mouth, kissing me, and I have never been kissed so good before in my life. I thought I was dreaming. I couldn’t quite comprehend what was happening to me, and why. It sounds weird, I know. The kissing continued for about what felt like a very long time. Then, I felt a hand caressing my vagina simultaneously while kissing me. I STILL COULD NOT MOVE!! I could only feel, and I was excited beyond explanation. It stopped suddenly, but I wanted more.

More came just I like I had hoped it would. I felt a tongue again, this time stroking in, and out of my vagina. I have never felt pleasure this great before. Who or What the hell is this? Where am I? Am I dead? Am I still at home in my shower? These are the questions I was asking myself quietly. The licking continued aggressively, and I could feel my climax erupting. I climaxed so hard and for sooo long! The lights came back on and I was frozen. I saw HER. It was a woman.

WHO WAS SHE?

 

Alone

 

 

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Alone in the dark…

I feel like an outcast. All my life, I’ve always felt like the outcast. Alone with just my thoughts is a dangerous place to be, I know. Yet, it’s an intriguing place to be. The darkness conjures up all of my ill feelings. Feelings that I hold against myself daily, that I try to keep hidden deep within me. I have a few friends here and there. But you know what, I feel more alone whenever I’m surrounded by people. How can this be? Those people never really seem to notice though. I smile and I laugh. It’s a mask that I wear and I wear it so well. Why am I like this? Sometimes I prefer to be alone because I’ve become so accustomed to the darkness, the loneliness, and the negative thoughts that have kept me company for so long. The worst part is that I believe those thoughts. My mind feeds off of those thoughts. They comfort me and they’re my friends. My best friends, actually. They tell me to be sad, that it’s better for me to be alone, to not have any contact with the outside world, and they keep me far away from anything or anyone trying to rescue me from myself. Twisted right? No…what’s twisted is that I fell into the trap, and I’m comfortable there. Will someone save me or will I have to save myself?

Depression is real and it preys upon the weak. It preys upon the weak and the strong. Check on your strong friends and your weak friends. Check on all your friends and loved ones. Check on someone today. In some cases, an immediate intervention is needed. Sometimes a person seems happy, but pay attention to their eyes. The eyes will always lead you to their truth. It is imperative that we all take great care of our mental health, and that we seek help when necessary. Seek help when you can’t help yourself. Mental Illness is real and it plays evil tricks with your mind, and can end in tragedy. Please seek help!

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WOLF HER

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Not your average wolf…

I’m normally quiet and I like to stay hidden. Though, I’ve been known to bring the noise when they send for me. I eat diamonds for breakfast and spit out gems. I run with wolves, but they always end up following my lead. It’s shocking to some that a pack of wolves would choose me to be their Queen. They can feel my strength, my aura, and I’m very hard to refuse. Depending on how you treat me love, I can be the beginning to your end. I am invincible and sometimes quite unrecognizable. I’m trying to warn you darling for I possess the power to make things, and individuals go invisible. Have you ever heard of Fire and Ice? I refuse to travel without bringing the storm. I’ll bring the forest down, shake the trees, and break the ground. I’m fluent in fire and will burn you if you speak out of turn. HER tongue is wicked. You’ve been warned!

I am Wolf HER!

Body

 

 

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Here I am standing naked in front of you. My hair is big and free. My warm caramel melanin soaked skin is doused in coconut oil and is glowing. Have you ever seen beauty like this? Have you ever smelled anything so deliciously sweeter? My breasts are voluptuous and so full. They always spill out into my tops with my nipples gazing directly at you. My thighs are thick and curvy. My butt is plump, curvy I am. My stomach is not so flat with light stretch marks sketched in, and yet still so very smooth. My SACRED GARDEN which you know as my vagina is well kept, clean, tasteful, plentiful, and heavily watered. Now that I’ve shown you my naked body, what are you going to do with it? Honestly, I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll conquer every inch of me. I can only imagine the things you’ll do to my body. The things you’re going to do to my body. The things I want you to do to my body. However, what I crave the most is an articulate tongue. Conquer my mind and undress my soul. Conjure up my spirit and massage my mind with words that can penetrate my soul. Knock down the door and take off the hinges that have been hiding my complex mind. I need you to do it in such a way that will lead to the walls falling down, that surround my rare soul causing my spirit to appear. Can you make my soul smile and entice my spirit out of the shadows? Can you satisfy my mind, body, soul, and spirit? Well King…if you can do this, you shall live in my eternal climax.

Aunt C

Death landed on our doorstep yet again. But this time, it came for my beloved Aunt Cookie. My Aunt and I had a very special bond that could never be broken. No not even in death. She was my second mother and she called me her “Poopsie”, yes she did LOL. She called me that when I was much younger and would later switch it up. Once I got older, she called me “Nae Nae” “Nea” or Linnea. My love for shopping and watching tv was birthed through her. Oh how she loved her tv shows. Especially the westerns and soap operas. Every time she saw me she would ask me, “Nea did you watch the stories?” Young and the Restless was her absolute favorite lol. I can’t even put into words the pain I felt (the pain I still feel) when I got that AWFUL phone call. The call that all of us dread. She died and I just froze up so bad. I actually had a panic attack, anxiety, and it was an outer body experience. I was in shock, disbelief, and pure sadness. I had just seen her not too long ago at the Nursing Home facility where she stayed. We watched tv, chatted a bit, and then I left. Why didn’t I stay longer?! Little did I know, that would be the very last time I would ever see her in the land of the living. I know it’s cliche but I truly thought my Aunt Cookie would live forever!!!! She was soooo sweet, special, beautiful, and kind to all who she crossed paths with. She was a true gift from God and the rarest of souls. A soul that I’ll always cherish in my fondest memories of her. It will be different and VERY difficult without her. It hurts, the pain feels unbearable in all honesty and I can’t understand it. However, I will never question GOD. I LOVE you soooo much Aunt Cookie FOREVER and ALWAYS! I promise to make you proud and I promise to leave my mark on this world while I’m here. You will live through me and I’ll see you again one day.

We laid her to rest today and now let the healing begin…

❤️