I close my eyes…
You start to play and I put my headphones in. The sound travels through my ears and runs through my veins. I can feel you beating with my heart. Speak to me my love, I need to hear your words in order to get through my day, for your sounds soothe my soul into a more calming state. You allow me to travel back in time to my most memorable places and moments of comfort. I’ve discovered a permanent comfort in you, as we’ve become one over the years. You’ve become my gateway to freedom. Free from what burdens my mind, body and spirit. Free from all anxiety, stress and pain. I can’t help but to carry you with me wherever I go. If given the chance, I would spend eternity with you.
I opened the door to my damp tunnel of pleasure and there he was. What a beautiful creature. What a beautiful sight to see. I invited him in and he came in on a smooth slither of excitement. I grabbed him with my hands and told him to follow me on the trail of soaked tracks. I led him all the way back into the depths of my darkness until he reached a dead end. He became aroused in shock and amazement by how deeply rooted the tracks were. He didn’t realize my tunnel was just as great as my land. He was most definitely enjoying himself. Exploring, twirling all around going in, and out of the puddles of water that he kept on discovering. That is…until he had enough. It seemed like he was convulsing at one point. It looked as if his soul was lost. He was satisfied with his visit. The night was over and he left.
Cut from your cloth of strength. Strength that ceases every bound. I was groomed for resilience. Resilience was my only available option. I was made to persevere. Perseverance was a necessity. You planted seeds of greatness in me, that I am still growing closer to each day. You taught me to never quit. So I removed it from my vocabulary. You told me that I needed to be fearless. So I fear no one but God. I recieved and used all of the tools you gifted me with. I placed them in a treasure box and I carry them with me everywhere I go. So that I may use them indefinitely.
While I was baking in my mother’s womb, little did I know about the life that awaited me on the outside. I didn’t know that I would have to go through so many obstacles in order to find my purpose. I didn’t know how much hurt I would have to endure in order to find my smile. I didn’t know that I would have to travel through so many dark trenches of struggle, pain and heartbreak. The journey was a treacherous one indeed. I could fill ten lakes with all the tears I’ve cried. But the crown that I was born with, kept me covered throughout. The crown shielded me. Though I wasn’t able to wear my crown immediately because I wasn’t ready to wear it. The crown has always been there and would later prove to serve a much greater meaning than my struggles. You see the crown was patiently waiting for me all these years and was meant for only me. No one else could fit it. No one else could steal it. Even if they had tried, the crown would’ve found its way back to me. The crown…MY CROWN! My crown was waiting for me to grow into it. My crown could see my revolution before I could see it. My crown realized my potential before I realized it. My crown knew my worth and my value before I knew it. My crown saw my strength. My crown already saw the purpose I was going to fulfill. My crown knew that I was destined for greatness. Today I wear my crown proudly, boldly, unapologetically and I’m sitting on my throne beautifully. It took me years to get here and I refuse to come down off my throne. However, if you’re ready I invite you to take a seat beside me!
Q U E E N S H I T
I wanted to take a walk since the weather was so nice. I brought a blanket, my pen and a notepad with me because I wanted to find a new sanctuary where I could write. On my travels, I saw a field with beautiful green grass. I was so drawn to its fresh smell and well groomed appearance. So, I decided to explore it further. Where I come from, there are no fields of grass. Only dirt on top of more dirt mixed in with trash. Not to mention the fact, that the noise level in my home was beyond out of control!! Needless to say it was a very stunning sight to see. A sight that I have never been accustomed to. A change I greatly and so desperately needed. A change I welcomed with opened arms! As I was walking through the grassy field, I was so happy and smiling. I was consumed with tranquility. I could hear the birds chirping, the wind blowing slightly and it was warm. A sense of peace came over me like never before. I could hear myself think and I was calm. It just felt so good to have a change of scenery. I continued walking through the grass and found the perfect spot. I laid out my blanket, took out my pen and began writing. It was just me, plus nature and I loved it! It was a dream to be able to have such peace and quiet while trying to work on my first book. Nobody else was around. I thought maybe I was the first to discover this gem. After two hours of refreshing focus, I packed up my things and began retreating back to my residence. Mannnnnn…I couldn’t wait to return the next day. My new sanctuary! I started walking out of the field and heard a loud sound. But, I couldn’t make out what it was. So, I just kept on walking. Then, I heard it again, turned around and nothing. So, I started walking faster. Heard the sound again and I hauled ass! I was almost out of the field. Then, I saw a shadow, it looked like a person. I couldn’t really make it out that well and it was odd. I kept running towards it because I thought it was just some people which made me feel less panicked. However, the shadows kept multiplying and were coming towards me as I was running towards them. The closer I got, I knew something was off and I turned around running in the opposite direction. Only more shadows were coming at me from that direction as well. At this point I’m panicking and I needed to get out! They were closing in on me, surrounding me. Coming from every direction!! They were black shadows formed as people. Then all of sudden, I felt a hard pinch which made me scream out and I dropped to the ground crying in pain. I was sweating and going into a full blown anxiety attack! I closed my eyes praying this was all a dream, or maybe I was hallucinating and this couldn’t have been happening. I opened my eyes, the pain was gone and they were all gone. The shit was such a blur and I hauled ass again. This time I turned it up a notch like Flo Jo!!!! Finally, I made it back home. But the house was empty. I needed to tell someone what had just happened to me. Yet I knew no one would believe me. Really I don’t even know what happened to me myself. I walked up the steps stopping midway because I was in excruciating pain suddenly. The pain was coming from my leg, so I pulled up my pants leg and my leg was bleeding. It looked like something bit me. Turns out it was a snake bite and it landed me in the hospital for a week. Oh and the beautiful field I was in, was a crime scene just five years earlier. Go figure.
M E S S A G E