When I was younger, I wanted to be perfect so bad! I wanted to have the perfect body, the perfect skin, and the perfect life. Now, I want no parts of it. I run from it. I always say, “I’m not perfect, and I never want to be.” It’s soooo true for me. Being imperfect keeps me real, humble, and down to earth which is everything I need to be. Everything I strive to be. Everything I want to be. I want to embody what’s real, and true. Perfect doesn’t exist, and it never did. What was I chasing? Why did I want to be so perfect? Why couldn’t I embrace my flaws, and imperfections? I looked in the mirror, and I saw this face that I hated. I hated my acne riddled skin. I hated my hair. I hated my nose, and my eyes. Hate is such a strong word, I know. But it’s what I felt at the time. I kept wishing I was someone else other than myself. If you had asked me back then, “Linnea, name one thing you like about yourself.” I would’ve drawn a huge blank. Ask me that same question today, and I’ll name 10 things before you even finish your sentence. I embrace every single flaw, and they’re what makes me…ME! See, the world is not with me whenever I’m looking into my mirror. I’m alone which is why it’s so important that I like/love what I see. I have to live with myself. I now know, and understand that PERFECT was always a figment of my imagination. I was on a dead end road, on a journey to perfection. A road that ultimately leaded me nowhere, and ended in disappointment. I set myself up for it though. I wasted so much time trying to be something I would never be. Perfect just doesn’t exist in any way, shape, or form in my world. In fact, it doesn’t exist in any world.
I have self doubt sometimes. Sometimes I’m not sure if what I’m doing is right. Sometimes I’m not sure if people will like what I do, or say. Sometimes I wonder if it’s too little, or too much. Even with this blog and my social media outlets. I question whether I should even be doing this. I ask myself, Why? Then, I remember why. But it’s MY WHY. I remember that I’m not doing this for anyone other than myself and if people get something from my writings, my posts, my words, my stories, and my life. That would be a WELCOMED added bonus for me!! I remember that MY WHY is what makes me happy. It’s what curves my anxiety because I can express myself in the ways that I want to and it makes me happy. Ways that are acceptable to me. I remember that I have to please myself, and do what’s right for me whether it be received, or not. Some might view it as a risk. A risk I’m willing to gladly take. If I keep doubting myself, then I won’t get very far at all. I have to live in my truth and do what I want. I can never allow doubt inside because it will never leave. It’ll get comfortable and keep me complacent. I can never sacrifice my dreams, visions, plans, and goals for doubts. That would be an epic fail on my part. Doubt is so powerful and it hinders many people. If you are doubting yourself, remember YOUR why.